Does anybody see her? She's crying alone in the dark of the night. Hiding her silent sobs, wiping the warm tears from her face. She is overwhelmed. Along with her eternally running checklist that accumulates with life, motherhood and marriage, she's grieving. Grieving someone whom she spent 22.5 out of 28 years of her life with. Her most vivid memories include him. He is intertwined in every aspect of her being. Though he is her little brother, he taught and influenced her in so many ways. He showed her how to treat others. How to always hide behind that beaming smile, whether you were dealing with demons or not. He has shown her how to make somebody's day, even if you are consumed with your own darkness. Her darkness is different from his. Hers is made of fear, false strength and heartache. All she ever wanted was to be a big sister. Her most vivid early memory was anxiously awaiting his arrival and holding him when he came home from the hospital. She remembers almost losing him when he was 18 months old, staying with a family friend while he was in Primary Children's Hospital. Crashing together in the street and crying together over road rash. Him sitting with her over every broken heart, every bad choice. A billion never ending memories she is so grateful for.
When he left his earth, a piece of her went with him. A piece that can never again be filled or replaced. No patch will ever be strong enough to hold for the pain would shatter it into a thousand pieces. The dark memories forever ingrained in her mind. His bruised hands and cold, hard body. Memories of shock anger and complete debilitation.
I still continue to smile. To find peace in the daily reminders of him. I feel him every day. He continues to give me small glimpses of the peace he is experiencing away from the weight of the world. Free from the all consuming demon named Addiction. If we stop believing that all of this is somehow going to be okay, we will forget to live. There is so much to live for, so much more to learn before our time here is through. What a wonderful day it will be when he meets us all at the gates, first in line with that warm, enveloping hug. When it all gets to heavy, we can walk hand in hand together as family and friends holding each other up, speaking his name and telling his story.
#PJKALLDAY #DONTSTOPBELIEVING #DONTSTOPLIVING
No comments:
Post a Comment