Signs: Where are you?

Through the years I have followed many people on social media that have suffered loss. Friends, family and people I do not know personally. I love seeing the posts that shows “signs” of their lost loved ones. Heart rocks, feathers and even encounters with people that were meant to be. After losing parker, I had a few people tell me “He will show you he’s still here, but don’t look for it. They will appear when you least expect it.” Against the advice, I have longed and looked for those signs, almost jealous of those who experienced them or come across them. Always searching the clouds. Looking at the ground searching for that penny or rock. Only to continually be disappointed.

Then it happened.

Two years ago my cousin let me borrow a book called “The Wizard’s Legacy” by Craig Karges. I was so excited to read it. For whatever reason, I started the first couple of pages then completely forgot about it and put it in my pile of books in my living room. Fast forward two years, she posts about how great this book is on her Instagram dedicated to books and I remember I still have it. I let her know that I’ll hurry and read it and bring it back to her.

I begin, again, a few pages of this book on a Thursday night and decide to bring it to work the next day. I’m reading along this incredible story and BAM. There it is. The sign I had been longing for smack dab in the middle of a random book. It reads:

“Love is action, not words. Love isn’t expressed in shouts of anger or violence or arguments. Love happens when you hold your beloved’s hand and watch the sunset, or when you pet your dog, or sometimes when you just look at each other and let your hearts speak what the lips cannot. Keeping a loved one’s memory alive in your heart after they’ve passed away is perhaps the greatest love of all.”

That last line hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been having some doubt about sharing Parker’s story. Doubt that I was doing the right thing by being so open and raw with it all. Doubts about my ability to feel. So here I am in the middle of the class I supervise, shedding some tears in the back. I start getting the chills. Good chills. The same comforting chills I have felt in moments of peace. Chills I now realize are most likely Parker being near me or hugging me, showing me he is always there.

I continue to read, more eager than ever to read every single word in this book. One sentence later it says this:

“Always show your love Craig, Don’t wait until it’s too late. Let the people you love know how you feel. Be kind and considerate to everybody. Love your little brother even though he drives you crazy--- especially when he drives you crazy. Do this and you’ll find God. “ His eyes twinkled. “ In fact you’ll realize that you never lost him.”

Then it hits me. Why am I searching for all these signs when I literally know for a fact (especially at this moment) that Parker is always there. He is everywhere. He is always in my heart. He is in every single song I listen to. He is in my kids and the incredible things they say on a daily basis. He is in this book! A book that may have not pertained to my life two years ago if I had I read it. In that moment I was supposed to be reading that book.

If you haven’t already guessed I finished the book by the end of the day. The last few pages had even more words I needed to read. They go as follows:

“By now you’ve learned the meaning of loss; you’ve learned that nothing is forever, that life is a temporary, ephemeral thing; nothing more than sandcastles on the beach. All we have are brief moments on the shore before the tide comes in and washes us away. The name of that tide is Time; and the ocean is called Eternity. But do not think for a moment that Death is the end of life---far from it. Death transforms us into the pure energy of Life Itself, the energy that is Light and Vitality; the Light that allows your physical eyes to see; the Light that allows your mind to think: the light that allows your spirit to soar above the clouds! Think of death as a stepping stone into a better-lit room.”

A paragraph later it reads:

“Your brother Bill, sadly, is destined to have a short but intense life. A flame that burns so intently as his cannot burn long. However, he’ll positively touch a great many people before he goes.”

All that I had just read rang so true to me. Parker was such a bright light to this world. He came here to touch the lives of everyone around him. He excelled in everything that he did. He made everyone, even people who didn’t know him, smile. Even through his dark addiction, he continued all of those things.

The last paragraph in this section reads:

“Love doesn’t end with death, it only moves to a higher level. By now you’ve lost many loved ones, but keep this in mind at all times: We’re not gone, none of us. Those who loved you in life are still with you, watching your show from the balcony and cheering you on. Listen for us in the rustle of the leaves in autumn; watch for us in the dance of the dust mites in a sunbeam in your den. Keep us in your heart and in your mind.”

Keeping his memory alive, even the darkest parts, can change someone’s life. He changed so many while he was still with us, I have no doubt that in his death it was just another stepping stone into a brighter lit room full of peace, love and joy for him to continue to touch lives. The inspiration, affirmation and sometimes small signs I have received, show me I do not need to look for him, he is always here.

#PJKAllDay #DontStopBelieving